Bible ~~- Older Testament

2nd Samuel Wrench

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Ch. 1

  • 1 David Murders Saul's Self-Styled β€œKiller”
  • 17 David Sings A Death Dirge For Saul & Jonathan

    Ch. 2

  • 1YAH Tells David To Move To Hebron
  • 4 The Judeans Crown David King
  • 8 Northern Tribes Of Israel Rebel Against David
  • 12 He-Man Gladiatorial Massacre Sparks Civil War
  • 18 General Abner Murders General Joab's Teen-Bro
  • 25 Israeli General Abner Forges A Fragile Peace

    Ch. 3

  • 1 Loving David's Many Wives Birth Him Many Sons
  • 6 Northern General Abner Revolts To Join David
  • 22 Judean Gen. Joab Murders Israeli Gen. Abner

    Ch. 4

  • 1 Wicked King Ish-Bosheth's Captains Murder Him
  • 8 King David Kills His Enemy King's Assassins

    Ch. 5

  • 1 King David Reigns Over United Israel
  • 6 King David Seizes Jerusalem From Pagans
  • 10 David Grows To Be A Mighty King
  • 13 Lustful King David Impregnates Too Many Women
  • 17 The Philistines Attack David's Judea
  • 22 Again Praise-Power Defeats Philistine Armies

    Ch. 6

  • 1 David Starts To Bring The Ark To Jerusalem
  • 6 Uzzah Grabs The Ark & Dies
  • 9 Terrified King David Re-Locates The Ark
  • 14 David Dances Like A Wildman In His Underwear
  • 20 David's Wife Gripes At Him For Wild-Praising
  • 21 King David Ditches His Praise-Hating Nag-Wife

    Ch. 7

  • 1 King David Plans To Build A Temple
  • 4 YAH Refuses To Let David Build Him A Temple
  • 12 Nathan Predicts The Messiah And His Kingdom
  • 17 David Praises YAH For Promising Him A Dynasty

    Ch. 8

  • 1 King David Defeats Many Surrounding Enemies
  • 7 King David Seizes Treasures For Priestly Work
  • 14 King David Reigns Over The Promised Land

    Ch. 9

  • 1 David Provides For Saul's Son (Mephibosheth)

    Ch. 10

  • 1 Snake-Hiss's Son Humiliates David's Envoys
  • 6 Ammonites Hire Syrian Armies To Attack Israel
  • 13 Israel Gores A Syrian/Ammonite Terrorist Army

    Ch. 11

  • 1 Peeping-Tom Warlord David Commits Adultery
  • 14 King David Kills His Pregnant Lover's Husband
  • 26 David Marries The Wife Of His Murder Victim

    Ch. 12

  • 1 Nathan The Prophet Busts Murderer King David
  • 24 David's New Queen Bath-Sheba Births Solomon
  • 26David & Joab Defeat The Inbred Spawn Of Ammon

    Ch. 13

  • 1 King David's Son Amnon Rapes His Sister Tamar
  • 22 Absalom Revenge-Kills His Rapist-Brother

    Ch. 14

  • 1 Joab Pays A Widow To Fake Out King David
  • 21 The Widow Moves David To Repatriate Absalom
  • 25 Absalom & David Live Estranged, Separated
  • 28 Prince Absalom And King David Finally Reunite

    Ch. 15

  • 1 Absalom Starts His Conspiracy Against David
  • 13 King David Flees Jerusalem To Avoid Bloodshed

    Ch. 16

  • 1 Saul's Crippled Grandson Betrays King David
  • 5 David Refuses To Harm His Cursing Attacker
  • 15 David's Spy 'Hasty' Fakes Loyalty To Absalom
  • 20 Prince Absalom Beds His Dad's 10 Concubines

    Ch. 17

  • 1 Slime-Brother Smartly Plots To Kill David
  • 5 Hasty Hushai Foils Slimy's Assassination Plot
  • 15 Hasty Sends Spy-Priests To Warn King David
  • 22 David & His Friends Cross The Jordan River
  • 25Rebel Absalom Mounts His Shock & Awe Campaign
  • 27King David's Allies Bring Him Food Supplies

    Ch. 18

  • 1 King David Organizes His Loyal Defenders
  • 6 David's Allies Slaughter 20000 Rebel Killers
  • 9 Absalom Gets His Pretty Hair Caught In A Tree
  • 14 Gen. Joab Assassinates Rebel Prince Absalom
  • 16General Joab's Trumpet Ceases The Fighting
  • 17 General Joab's Men Bury Dead Prince Absalom
  • 18Flashback To Absalom's Building His Obelisk
  • 19The Young Priest Runs To Tell King David

    Ch. 19

  • 1 Joab Shames David Into Acting Like A King
  • 16 Loving King David Forgives His Enemies
  • 41 Wicked Northern Israel Starts Their Rebellion

    Ch. 20

  • 1 Sheba Incites North Israel To Rebel vs David
  • 3 David Turns His 10 Concubines Into Celibates
  • 4 King David Mounts Judea's Counter-Rebellion
  • 8 General Joab Murders His Rival (Amasa)
  • 13 General Joab Gets Sheba The Rebel Beheaded
  • 23 King David Re-Organizes His Judean Government

    Ch. 21

  • 1 David Repents Of Mass-Murder To Stop A Famine
  • 15 Another Giant Nearly Murders King David
  • 18 Judea Battles More Philistine Mutant Giants

    Ch. 22

  • 1 King David's Song of Deliverance

    Ch. 23

  • 1 King David's Last Song
  • 8 A List Of King David's Mighty Men

    Ch. 24

  • 1David Institutes A National ID Number System
  • 10 YHVH Punishes Israelis For Getting ID Numbers
  • 18David Builds An Altar To Cook Sacred Feasts