1 A year passes. [Spring blooms. Various] kings [march] out to battle. So [king] David deploys [General] Joab {JAH-Dad}. [Joab's] deputies and all [the warriors of] Israel [trail behind Joab. They march east past the Jordan river.] They destroy the [inbred] spawn of Ammon. They besiege Rabbah {Plenty}. Meanwhile, David stays in Jerusalem.
2*Then, one sunset, [sleepless] David {Lover} gets up off his [giant] bed. He [stalks up to] the royal palace's rooftop [veranda]. Walking there, he sees a woman bathing herself. [David won't stop staring, because] she's so hot looking.
3So [king] David sends [a messenger] to ask if the woman is [willing to come bed him]. One [of the woman's neighbors] says, “I think that's Eliam's daughter Bath-Sheba {Oath-Daughter}. She's the wife of UriYah {YAH's-Flame} the Hittite {Son-Of-Terror}.”
4*[Ignoring the neighbor lady's good advice, king] David sends messengers to get [his warrior's wife]. So [Bath-Sheba] comes to [David]. [He finds out that] she's cleaned-up from her period. So he beds her. Then she returns to her house. David is more concerned about ritual law than moral law. Punctilious about Lev 5:18 while violating the 7th commandment! Various visualizations of this event:
She wants to diddle the king. She baited him by bathing outside in his plain view.
Or she's hesitant, but he woos her.
Or she's resistant, but he forces her.
She should have refused.
5*[Bath-Sheba] conceives. So she sends [a messenger to the palace. He delivers her secret message] to David, “I'm with-child.” She seeks David's protection because she violated Lev 20:10.
6 So [king] David sends [a messenger east across the Jordan river] to [General] Joab {JAH-Dad}[at the battlefield]: “Send me UriYah {YAH's-Flame} the Hittite {Son-Of-Terror}.” So Joab sends UriYah [back home] to David.
7 UriYah {YAH's-Flame} runs to [David's throne room]. [King] David asks, “How's [General] Joab doing? … How's the [army] surviving? … How's the war going?”
8[David doesn't even listen to Uriyah's answer.] David says to UriYah {YAH's-Flame}, “Go down to your house. Wash your ‘feet.’” [Meaning, “Get cleaned up and bed your wife.”] So UriYah leaves the royal palace. [A trail of David's servants follow UriYah. They carry] royal food for [Uriyah and his wife to enjoy].
9*But instead of going back home to his house [to sleep with his wife,] UriYah {YAH's-Flame} sleeps at the royal palace gate beside [king David's royal] guard!
10[King] David's [spies] report to him, “UriYah didn't go down to his house.” So David [stomps down from his chambers. He] asks UriYah, “Didn't you [just] come from a long journey? Why didn't you go down to your house?”
11*UriYah {YAH's-Flame} answers [king] David, “[YAH's] ark, and [the soldiers of north] Israel and Judea, [sleep] in war-tents. My master [General] Joab {JAH-Dad}, and [his commanders], are camping in the [enemy's] open fields. So how could I go into my house, to eat and drink, and lie with my wife? As you live, and while you [draw] breath, I won't [enjoy a night with my wife until all my fellow soldiers come home]!”
12[King] David answers UriYah {YAH's-Flame}, “Wait here today. Then tomorrow I'll let you go [back to battle].” So UriYah stays in Jerusalem that day and the next.
13[The next day, king] David summons [UriYah]. [David] feeds him royal food and gets him drunk [on wine]. But that night [UriYah] staggers back down to lie on [a cot] beside the soldiers of commander [Joab,] instead of going to his house [to sleep with his wife, Bath-Sheba]!
King David Kills His Pregnant Lover's Husband
14 So the [next] morning, [king] David writes a letter to [General] Joab {JAH-Dad}. [David] sends [the letter east] by the hand of UriYah {YAH's-Flame}.
15*[David writes these] words in the letter: “Set UriYah {YAH's-Flame} in the forefront of the hottest battle. Then retreat from him until the [enemy] strikes him dead.”
16*So [general] Joab {JAH-Dad} looks [up] at the [flaming] city. He sends UriYah {YAH's-Flame} to a place where he knows the [most] valiant [Jew-hating enemies are fighting].
17*Then the men of the [pagan] city rush out. They attack Joab's men. The [pagans] kill some of David's deputies. UriYah {YAH's-Flame} the Hittite dies [with them].
18 Then [General] Joab {JAH-Dad} sends [messengers west to Jerusalem's palace]. They tell [king] David all the news from the war.
19[Joab] commands the messenger, “Tell all the news of the war to king [David];
20 —Then the king's fire-rage may flame up. He [might scream at] you, ‘Why did you advance so close to the city when you fought? Didn't you know the [enemy] would shoot [you] from the wall?
21 —Who struck [ancient] AbiMelech {Father-King} (the son of Jerubbesheth {Idol-Wrangler})? Didn't a woman cast a piece of a millstone on him from the wall, so that he died in Tevetz {Bleached-White}? [Yes!] So why did you [storm] the wall?’ Then you'll answer, ‘Your servant UriYah {YAH's-Flame} the Hittite also died.’”
22 So the messenger [rides away west from the battlefield to Jerusalem, to the palace]. He runs [into the throne-room]. He presents [to king] David the [messages General] Joab {JAH-Dad} sent him to [deliver].
23 The messenger says to [king] David, “The [pagans] totally overpowered our [army]. The [infidels] rushed out to [attack] us in the field while we were storming their city gate.
24The [enemy] archers shot [arrows down] from their [fortress] wall. [They murdered many of us,] your servants. Some of [your] royal deputies died… And your servant UriYah {YAH's-Flame} the Hittite died.” [The messenger winces, bracing for the impact of king David's wrath.]
25[King] David answers the messenger, “Say this to Joab {JAH-Dad}, ‘Don't let this [setback] displease you. For the sword devours one as well as another. Strengthen your attack against the city. Overthrow it.’ Encourage [General Joab].”
David Marries The Wife Of His Murder Victim
26[Soon Bath-Sheba,] the wife of UriYah {YAH's-Flame}, hears that her husband lies dead, 😇. She mourns her [lost] soul-mate.
27*[BathSheba's] mourning period passes. [King] David sends [soldiers] to bring her to his palace. She becomes his wife. [8 months later,] she bears him a son. But YHVH eyes [king] David's [murderous adultery with] rage, 😇!
Older Testament 
*Then, one sunset,