Preacher Balks, Smiley Freaks, Gunshot Shoots
Pastor Poister tries to close his office door.
Smiley forces his way into the office.
Pastor Poister pushes Lil' GunShot outside.
Lil' GunShot frowns.
Pastor Poister closes the door, sets the money-plate high up on a shelf, (underneath a big STAINED-GLASS CROSS).
He sits down in his big padded leather chair.SMILEY
Cops arrested Mom.
PASTOR POISTER
I know. Your Mom shot that driver, just like she falsely accused me of touching her.
Smiley turns red with fury, tries to talk but chokes.
PASTOR POISTER
I told Your Mom to stop drinking. The whole town knows. I have a fiduciary responsibility. I won't allow you to manipulate my flock into spending God's money to pay for your family to drink itself to death on your unproductive tax-dodger squatter ranch ...
Pastor Poister turns his back to Smiley, counts donation money.
PASTOR POISTER
... while a perfectly wonderful corporation - owned by shareholders including good Christian men of this church - pays to clean up your mess of a dirt-farm.
Smiley picks up a bible from a stack, chunks it at Pastor Poister.
SMILEY
Did you read that, preacher?
Pastor Poister's jaw drops.
SMILEY
That's God's word!
Pastor Poister dodges a bible flying at his head.
SMILEY
Pure religion is caring for widows and orphans! You said' at the photo op!
Smiley chunks a bible.
It whizzes past Pastor Poister's head, slams the wall.
SMILEY
Did you read that, preacher? Love your neighbor!
Smiley chunks another Bible at Pastor Poister.
LIL' GUNSHOT (Unseen voice)
(beats on the door)
Lemme in, Smiley!
SMILEY
That says any preacher who looks at my Mom with lust has already boinked my Mom in his heart!
Preacher scrambles, grabs his phone.
He video-records Smiley looking insane, red-faced, screaming, chunking another bible at the camera.
Preacher dials 911.
PASTOR POISTER
(screams)
Help, Police! A crazy thug's assaulting me!
Smiley chunks a bible. It knocks the phone out of Pastor Poister's hand.
Elders from the church smash open the door, rush into the office.
They hold Smiley down in a headlock.
Lil' GunShot runs behind the elders into the office.
LIL' GUNSHOT
(screams)
GENTLEmens!
The church goons ignore Lil' GunShot.
LIL' GUNSHOT
Let mah Smiley GO!
ELDER BUMBLE
(trembles, shakes finger)
Smiley has committed felony assault on a man of God!
PASTOR POISTER
Smiley will be held accountable to the fullest extent of the law!
Lil' GunShot draws his pistol, points it at the elders holding Smiley.
LIL' GUNSHOT
I don' think you gentlemens heerd Lil' GunShot.
PASTOR POISTER
(smirks)
Ignore the brat. That's just a toy gun.
Lil' GunShot whips the gun up above Pastor Poister's head.
He FIRES!
The bullet blows away the huge stained glass cross above Pastor Poister's head.
Shards of stained-glass fly at the elder's eyes.
Glass scrapes Pastor Poister's head.
Lil' GunShot blows smoke off the gun-barrel.
LIL' GUNSHOT
Lil' GunShot got 'dat name fo' a reezon!
Elders shake.
Deacon Wienster pees his church-pants.
The elders' faces blanch white as sheets.
Smiley wrenches free from the elders.
Smiley and Lil' GunShot sprint out of the church.
PASTOR POISTER
(Yells, wags finger)
God's going to punish you!
