4942 Characters =~4.9Min. Reading Time EXT. L.A. AIRPORT - DAY
From her car, Jackie sees BackWoods emerge from the airport, surrounded by fans, some of them beautiful sports-girls.
BackWoods stops to sign a brat's baseball card.
Then he signs a busty beauty's chest.
In the car, Jackie laughs, shakes her head at the silly sports-heads.
BackWoods excuses himself from his fans.
He strides to the car, smiling at Jackie.
INT. HOUSE - NIGHT
BackWoods presses “play.”
Squirming like a schoolboy, BackWoods grabs Jackie's hand. They watch the screen:
The screen shows BackWoods wearing a suit and tie, strumming a guitar onstage in a church. He stands at the pulpit and sings:
BACKWOODS I'm gonna' hit a homer on you, baby
BackWoods swings his guitar like a baseball bat.
BACKWOODS So girl, stop throwin' me curveballs
BackWoods throws a curveball into the congregation. They duck.
BACKWOODS I'll smack a home run on you-
BackWoods puckers his lips to the lens.
BACKWOODS Lord knows my aim is true
Under the cross, BackWoods kneels before a white-dressed model who resembles Jackie.
BACKWOODS I'll knock your lights out, baby
Now in a stadium, the model looks up to see a baseball shatter stadium lights. The lights explode like fireworks.
BACKWOODS So pitch me your best kiss
From the pitcher's mound, the model seductively pitches a ball to BackWoods.
BACKWOODS I'll hit a doozie on you
BackWoods puckers as he slams the ball.
BACKWOODS I'll bat you into the "blue"
The ball sails into blue sky.
BACKWOODS You walked me to first base, baby
Below that sky, BackWoods stands on first base, singing to the model who eyes him angrily from the pitcher's mound.
BACKWOODS Then I stole one more for free
BackWoods sings from 2nd base. The model looks shocked.
BACKWOODS I'm rounding' your corner for shortstop
Now the model, at shortstop, tries to tag BackWoods "out."
BACKWOODS Then I'll trap you in a squeeze
The model tags BackWoods. He hugs the model tight to his chest.
BACKWOODS I got a hard line drive up the middle
Now batting, BackWoods slams a line drive. It knocks the model-pitcher out.
BACKWOODS So let me run your infield
BackWoods runs from the plate to the pitcher-model.
BACKWOODS I'm your big winner, your pinch hitter
BackWoods lifts the model into his muscular arms.
BACKWOODS So give me your bush-league deal
The model swoons. ("My hero!")
BACKWOODS I'll hit a homer on you, baby
Back in church, BackWoods sings before the black gospel choir.
CHOIR Aleluia!
BACKWOODS You know I got the clout
CHOIR Praise Jesus!
BACKWOODS Get in my bullpen baby
CHOIR (sweet) Bullpen...
BACKWOODS Love, stop strikin' me out
Archival footage shows BackWoods striking out.
At the plate, the model embraces BackWoods. Her loving eyes console him.
INT. HOUSE - DAY (CONTINUOUS)
BackWoods looks over at Jackie.
She stands with her eyes closed.
A tear rolls down her cheek.
BackWoods gets all choked-up.
Tears fall down BackWoods' cheeks.
BACKWOODS I know, Jackie. Fergit' Krikit. Now you know I feel the same for you as you do for me. You can stop hidin' it now. You can tell Swish 'n Peleador yer' spoken for.
BackWoods goes to touch Jackie's hand.
BACKWOODS I'm so glad you love my song. I made it Christian fer ya.
Jackie touches BackWood's hand.
JACKIE (stifles chuckle) I'm flattered.
BackWoods smiles ear to ear.
JACKIE but...
BackWoods hates 'but'.
JACKIE "Homer's" a lot like "RapeDown."
BACKWOODS It's a totally different song! It's got pianer', steel guitars, black gospel choir!
JACKIE (polite) Do you really think I'm short on guys who want to "score a homer on me"?
BACKWOODS Killa's right! I'm goin back ta' Hank! You don't know bunt about sports. OR music!
Hank storms out, slams the door.
Jackie looks aghast. (She's lost her two biggest earners!)
JACKIE (shouts out door) BackWoods! Come back! I love your song!
EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT (CONTINUOUS)
Jackie sees BackWoods flag a car.
The car stops.
POLLY PORSCHE Yer' BackWoods Johnson!
BackWoods gets in the car.
BACKWOODS Them GymGirls had you pegged from inning 1, Jackie Pants!
POLLY PORSCHE I can't believe it! Can I get a selfie with you, BackWoods!?
Jackie watches BackWoods slam the car door.
The girl drives him off.
POLLY PORSCHE (driving off) Woohoo! I got BackWoods Johnson in my car!
Nosy Neighbor and Arrogant Attorney laugh at Jackie stomping back into the house.
